Really Bo Bo Baggins?

I haven't blogged in a while because I have been busy with school, work, and HOKIE football. However, tonight's events could NOT be ignored. Christin and I decided to hit up a local ice cream store, Gardner's, for some desert (if you live in Christiansburg go there, they seriously have like 30 flavors of soft serve). We pulled up at the same time as another car and as we were getting out of the explorer a guy from the car next to us proceeds to get out and speed walk to the line to ensure he was in front of us. If one of us had tried to race him it definitely would have been on. At this point we all just thought it was funny. Then his whole Harry Potter clan showed up. If you have seen the movie Role Models, picture half of L.A.I.R.E. in line for ice cream with you. At this point being in line with Bo Bo Baggins was starting to get annoying. After getting our order we went to a table away from the crew and were trying to mind our own business. That's when our delicious frozen treats were totally ruined. One of the hobbits had her baby with her and proceeded to change her babies diaper....on the freezing cold table....bare ass....across from us. Who does that? Maybe you might want to take your child to the car to change it's diaper? Do they not have changing pads in the Shires? Or common courtesy? It is obvious that neither your baby or everyone around you eating approves of you putting your baby's bare butt and their dirty diaper on the table that we could all be eating on. Even your 3 month old has better manners than you! I wanted to walk up and punch her in her face but I was afraid she or one of her friends would cast a spell on me. Instead we retreated to our car surviving to eat ice cream another day...next time I'm bringing Lysol wipes to wipe down the table, bench, hell I might even Lysol my ice cream cone.

Dear Delta...SUCK IT

Dear Delta,

It is nice to know that your suspect customer service has finally caught up to you. You did the same thing to me and five other soldiers last August. The only difference is you got $400 out of each of us. We had just gotten off our FREEDOM FLIGHT from our 11 month deployment and were excited to be on U.S. soil again. In under thirty minutes you successfully managed to change that excitement to frustration with $200/extra bag baggage fees. Never mind that we explained to your "customer service" representative that our extra bags were our boxed M-16's and a bunch of military shit that we were required to turn back in and didn't even really want anyways. Never mind that we had only seen our families for two weeks in the past year. Never mind that we had just traveled for about 4 days (most of which without showers) to be greeted by your fugly face. Never mind that it took great restraint not to comment on your shitty weave or reach across the counter and punch you straight in the neck. What mattered was your policy and now your policy has caught up with you in he public eye. I will say that my situation was cleared up by my wife's refined letter writing skills and we did eventually receive a full refund plus ticket vouchers. However, I will never forget the way that we were greeted that day. The only reason I will fly Delta in the future is to use up the free vouchers Christin weaseled out of them. Suck it Delta! (next stop your wallet)

The Hunt

Tonight I saw my wife in predator mode. What was she hunting you ask? A fellow female shopper. She had picked up some shoes and had been debating on whether or not to buy them. With me being back in school we are on a tighter budget so being the responsible one I reminded her of this fact. Regretfully she returned them to the shelf while furiously texting her mother about her dilemma. Her mother texted her back and told her that she should buy them and she would send her the money as a gift to treat herself. Christin went back to grab the shoes but was met with a rude surprise. They were gone. I know, I know, it took me a while to catch my breath too. In under a minute another girl had had the AUDACITY to take Christin's shoes. What happened next? We literally went on a hunt for this girl. It was like a lioness stalking her prey. I wish that the late Crocodile Hunter had been there to narrate. We found our unsuspecting victim just as she was about to enter the check out line. Christin was just about to strike when to her dismay the girl didn't even have the shoes. Lucky for her, she lived to shop another day.

The Dumping Incident

Last night we went to a local store to pick up a few things. While we were there I had to make a visit to the little boys room. No worries this place's bathroom is always clean. I rounded the corner and was about to head into a stall when I came face to face with possibly the most disgusting thing that I had ever seen. Somebody had taken a giant DUMP in the corner. That's right people, somebody had been too lazy to use the toilet a half a foot to the left, instead they had decided it was easier to just deuce right on the ground. Plus, they had left a stash of poop covered toilet paper with it. Seriously? What disgusting human being would do this? At first I was angry (and slightly nauseous) but then I started to get worried. If I told someone would they think that it had been me? I had a quick decision to make...tell an employee and possibly be suspected as the guy who deuced in the corner from now on? Orrrrrrrrr make a run for it? Shamelessly, I snuck out of the bathroom, nonchalantly making sure that no employee was looking my way and cleverly made my getaway. I mean what the heck would you do?

neVer forgeT

Today is a day of rememberance. The Hokie Nation remembers the 32 who were murdered four years ago in a senseless act of violence. 4/16/07 is a day that we should not and will not ever forget. It's a day that many of us will remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we first heard about this tragedy. It's also a day that should help us grow and appreciate every day that we have. We should live our lives to the fullest in honor of the 32 lives that were cut short that day. It's easy to forget and to complain about the little things that bug us on a daily basis. Take it upon yourself to be stronger than that, remember who we are, WE ARE VIRGINIA TECH, we are the Hokie Nation, let us show the world the true meaning of a HOKIE!

Fragile Handle with Care

I work with a great group of people. One of my favorite things about them is the fact that we give each other shit....constantly. It seems like only the strong personalities survive but we are also one big family. One of these strong personalities is my friend Jessica. Jessica is a combination of big sister, mom, with a touch of wife added in. On a normal day she has no problem bossing me around and gives me just about as much shit as I give her (if not more). However today's circumstances are a little different than normal. You see Jessica happens to be pregnant which equals a rise in a little thing we like to call hormones. Being the genius that I am I totally disregarded this fact when picking on her. I will blame this on being a guy, my wife will blame it on me being a dumbass husband. The real reason isn't important, what is important is that I solved two very simple equations today

picking on a pregnant woman + hormones = crying

and

pregnant woman telling you that you made her cry + hormones = more crying

I also learned that when a pregnant woman tells you that she cried you should not say "Are you serious? I should feel bad about this, but if you think about it, it's kind of funny." This might make you an asshole. Let me say that I had no intent of being an asshole. I apologized and we hugged it out (which made her cry again) and she isn't even mad at me....I think. I also learned a valuable lesson about being careful what to say and what NOT to say to a pregnant woman. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Jessica for teaching me this. If I had learned it with Christin while she was pregnant I am pretty sure I would have either: A) not survived or B) received a swift kick to the balls. So thank you Jessica, and hopefully this is the last time I make you cry....at least this trimester.

Adios Uncle Sam

Eight years ago today I enlisted in the Army Reserves. Two years ago today I had fulfilled my six year active reserve obligation and thought I was riding off into the sunset known as the IRR. Four months after that I received orders in the mail recalling me back to active duty under a presidental order (thanks a lot Obama). Needless to say it has been an interesting eight years and I never thought today would come. April 14, 2011 is the day that I get to say peace out bitchesssss.

I don't have to worry about finding a nice envelope on my doorstep when I come home from work ever again. Normally this would be a cause for binge drinking (I think my wife would actually approve because she's more excited than I am) but unfortunately I have class until 830 tonight. I know, I know its the price I pay for being 27 and still going to school. However, if anyone needs me at around 9ish (when I get home) I will be sippin' on some vodka mixed with I don't care what. Uncle Sam it's been real.....it's been fun....but it hasn't been real fun. I can say that because I'm a civilian now!