The Hunt

Tonight I saw my wife in predator mode. What was she hunting you ask? A fellow female shopper. She had picked up some shoes and had been debating on whether or not to buy them. With me being back in school we are on a tighter budget so being the responsible one I reminded her of this fact. Regretfully she returned them to the shelf while furiously texting her mother about her dilemma. Her mother texted her back and told her that she should buy them and she would send her the money as a gift to treat herself. Christin went back to grab the shoes but was met with a rude surprise. They were gone. I know, I know, it took me a while to catch my breath too. In under a minute another girl had had the AUDACITY to take Christin's shoes. What happened next? We literally went on a hunt for this girl. It was like a lioness stalking her prey. I wish that the late Crocodile Hunter had been there to narrate. We found our unsuspecting victim just as she was about to enter the check out line. Christin was just about to strike when to her dismay the girl didn't even have the shoes. Lucky for her, she lived to shop another day.

The Dumping Incident

Last night we went to a local store to pick up a few things. While we were there I had to make a visit to the little boys room. No worries this place's bathroom is always clean. I rounded the corner and was about to head into a stall when I came face to face with possibly the most disgusting thing that I had ever seen. Somebody had taken a giant DUMP in the corner. That's right people, somebody had been too lazy to use the toilet a half a foot to the left, instead they had decided it was easier to just deuce right on the ground. Plus, they had left a stash of poop covered toilet paper with it. Seriously? What disgusting human being would do this? At first I was angry (and slightly nauseous) but then I started to get worried. If I told someone would they think that it had been me? I had a quick decision to make...tell an employee and possibly be suspected as the guy who deuced in the corner from now on? Orrrrrrrrr make a run for it? Shamelessly, I snuck out of the bathroom, nonchalantly making sure that no employee was looking my way and cleverly made my getaway. I mean what the heck would you do?

neVer forgeT

Today is a day of rememberance. The Hokie Nation remembers the 32 who were murdered four years ago in a senseless act of violence. 4/16/07 is a day that we should not and will not ever forget. It's a day that many of us will remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we first heard about this tragedy. It's also a day that should help us grow and appreciate every day that we have. We should live our lives to the fullest in honor of the 32 lives that were cut short that day. It's easy to forget and to complain about the little things that bug us on a daily basis. Take it upon yourself to be stronger than that, remember who we are, WE ARE VIRGINIA TECH, we are the Hokie Nation, let us show the world the true meaning of a HOKIE!

Fragile Handle with Care

I work with a great group of people. One of my favorite things about them is the fact that we give each other shit....constantly. It seems like only the strong personalities survive but we are also one big family. One of these strong personalities is my friend Jessica. Jessica is a combination of big sister, mom, with a touch of wife added in. On a normal day she has no problem bossing me around and gives me just about as much shit as I give her (if not more). However today's circumstances are a little different than normal. You see Jessica happens to be pregnant which equals a rise in a little thing we like to call hormones. Being the genius that I am I totally disregarded this fact when picking on her. I will blame this on being a guy, my wife will blame it on me being a dumbass husband. The real reason isn't important, what is important is that I solved two very simple equations today

picking on a pregnant woman + hormones = crying

and

pregnant woman telling you that you made her cry + hormones = more crying

I also learned that when a pregnant woman tells you that she cried you should not say "Are you serious? I should feel bad about this, but if you think about it, it's kind of funny." This might make you an asshole. Let me say that I had no intent of being an asshole. I apologized and we hugged it out (which made her cry again) and she isn't even mad at me....I think. I also learned a valuable lesson about being careful what to say and what NOT to say to a pregnant woman. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Jessica for teaching me this. If I had learned it with Christin while she was pregnant I am pretty sure I would have either: A) not survived or B) received a swift kick to the balls. So thank you Jessica, and hopefully this is the last time I make you cry....at least this trimester.

Adios Uncle Sam

Eight years ago today I enlisted in the Army Reserves. Two years ago today I had fulfilled my six year active reserve obligation and thought I was riding off into the sunset known as the IRR. Four months after that I received orders in the mail recalling me back to active duty under a presidental order (thanks a lot Obama). Needless to say it has been an interesting eight years and I never thought today would come. April 14, 2011 is the day that I get to say peace out bitchesssss.

I don't have to worry about finding a nice envelope on my doorstep when I come home from work ever again. Normally this would be a cause for binge drinking (I think my wife would actually approve because she's more excited than I am) but unfortunately I have class until 830 tonight. I know, I know its the price I pay for being 27 and still going to school. However, if anyone needs me at around 9ish (when I get home) I will be sippin' on some vodka mixed with I don't care what. Uncle Sam it's been real.....it's been fun....but it hasn't been real fun. I can say that because I'm a civilian now!

Thank you sir may I have another...

Today both of our cars were on E so being the nice husband that I am I not only filled up my car but also my wife's as well. Well $130 later both tanks are full. $130...are you friggin' kidding me I almost crapped my pants. I know I'm not the only one that is fed up with the gas prices. The worst part about it is that I know that the gas prices here are on the cheap side. I have relatives and friends in the Northeast and I know that they are getting crushed by gas prices on a daily basis. I can't even being to imagine how much gas is in California. Now I know there is the fact that the Middle East is pretty much imploding right now but that doesn't change the fact that paying almost $4/gallon sucks. I just got back from the Middle East...you want to know how much gas is a gallon in Iraq? Like 50 friggin' cents. I'm not kidding it was that cheap. I should have thought to pump some and bring it back. I could have made a killer profit. I'm not a big conspiracy theorist but I am sure this is some plot by Al Gore and the car companies to get us all to drive hybrids, electric cars, and smart cars. My dad just bought a Honda Fit...I'm pretty sure that I can fit it into the back of my Explorer.

(Dad's Honda/Micro Machine...he loves this thing)

Thanks but no thanks...I'm a self proclaimed redneck now (I wear camo, listen to country, and own a gun). I guess until I breakdown and convert my car to run on vegetable oil, every time that I go to the pump I'll just be saying "Thank you sir may I have another". (Shimon if you are reading this you know this is a saying that we learned well from the Army...miss you bud!)

My Man Card

Today I went to Kroger to grab some groceries. Yes, I do the grocery shopping...and most of the cooking. My wife is many things, beautiful, smart, fun but one thing she isn't is a cook. It's not her fault I knew this when I married her, it's just a simple fact. I might be violating one of my own guidelines where just because it sounds good in your head doesn't mean you should actually say it only time will tell. Anyways, me being the loving husband that I am I decided to pick up a bouquet of tulips for the wife. It seemed like a great way to get some brownie points which I can always use because I pretty much am usually in the negative. I am minding my own business while checking out and the weird little cashier girl starts to make small talk. Pasta was on sale and I bought a lot of it so she starts telling me of her love for pasta, and Fazoli's, and how she was heartbroken when Fazoli's closed. She's definitely a little different but who am I to judge. Then as she's ringing up my flowers she offers me a little nugget of advice. "Tell the person you are buying these for that she should cut a half an inch off the bottom....or him." Now let me preface this with that I have no problem with gay people. I have friends that are gay and they are great people, awesome dressers, and ridiculous dancers (the last part isn't a stereotype it's a fact). Did this girl think that I was on the feminine side? I had been told that I was a girl before but it was by a 3yr old and I'm pretty sure she was just being a doody head. Just because I was grocery shopping and wearing a v-neck doesn't make me feminine. Right then and there I decided that I needed to go home and do some rugged manly stuff to earn my man card. If anybody needs me I will be chopping down trees, chugging beer, and killing things with my bare hands. In fact Chuck Norris if you are reading this I'm calling you out anytime....anyplace....anywhere.